Stuff your predictions.

The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.

--Terry Pratchett

Yes my friends, it’s that time of year where all the self serving lists of tech predictions appear.

The question I have is ‘Why now?’. Why now when if you look at the track record of the folks pushing their 2013 prediction lists throughout the year, they can barely get what’s happening this month correct.

Just because it’s Hogswatch doesn’t mean they’ve now been granted precognition powers along with their delivery of Hogswatchnight meat.

To save wear and tear on your eyeballs, better spent reading something (anything) else rather than vapid predication list nonsense, I’ll break the majority of these lists written by anyone in technology who’s selling something and that includes themselves, down for you. That way you can get on with the important business of eating chocolate and drinking booze for breakfast while telling yourself it’s okay because ‘It’s Hogswatch.’

Here we go:

• Whatever that other guy is trying to sell to you is awful. You’ll be sorry to have bought it. It’ll probably give you a sexually transmitted infection, your teeth will fall out and your partner/spouse/children will see you for the clapped out waste of skin you’ve always been.
• Whatever the predication list writer is selling is amazing. This point will be proven, proven mind you, by the marketing hoopla they’ll create in the coming months. Because if they’re talking about it then obviously everyone is talking about it.
• A point incredibly obvious to anyone who’s capable of independent thought but now tarted up and put out on a street corner as something unique and insightful..goes here.

And there you go, that’s your 2013 predication template right there just pad it out with as much filler as you can think of.

I’d rather prediction list writers use their amazing new powers to provide me with the lottery numbers instead.

But that would be a Hogswatch miracle.